A2

At 1.01pm Malaysian time, I saw this.

NOTHING ELSE I CAN SAY, BUT JUST THANK YOU JESUS. THANK YOU FOR MY FAMILY, TEACHERS AND FRIENDS THAT HAS HELPED ME ALL ALONG. I AM NOTHING, JUST A MERE WEAKLING, BUT WITH YOU I AM STRONG. ALL GLORY TO GOD <3 div="">

Hermit

"If you can become any animal, what animal would you be?"

It's one of those questions people like to ask for no reason whatsoever, when there's a lull in the conversation, just filling in those awkward silences. I used to answer "a dolphin, because they're cute." I know guys, cliched answer.

However, if anybody were to ask me that question now, I'd answer a hermit crab. Because it has the word hermit in it. And I am a HERMIT. If there were such things as Hermit's Anonymous, I'd probably attend that meeting every week. With a pseudonym and all that. I always wanted to have a name that ends with an "A". Sounds sexy ain't it? The Tamaras, Vanessas, Leandras, Christinas and Saras have it great I bet.

I have been in Sabah for 5 weeks. The number of times I went out with friends? ONCE. The heck?! Terrible. The thing is, I am not that great in keeping in touch with any of them. I do go on Facebook occasionally and I do have a Skype account but somehow, there's always this invisible barrier that stops me from trying to communicate with them. It's my fault definitely. I am not making mysself available to them. I wonder if this is psychological? I feel so sad at how fleeting friendships are in my case, even to those who I consider my closest, dearest friends.

Another reason why I am a hermit is because I am bogged down with responsibilities at home. I need to wake up by 8.30 a.m, to clean the house, feed the dogs, cook, do the laundry, all before 11.30 a.m. By then, all I want to do is go online and waste time until it's time to go the gym at 2pm. by 4.30 pm, I am thoroughly exhausted and I just want to lie on my bed. Repeat everyday. I cannot begrudge my parents for giving me all these responsibilities as I need to learn to be independent before Uni starts. But I do wish I actually take some time out to go around Sabah, see the sights of my beautiful home state, this slice of Paradise, before I go to gloomy wet UK. I guess I'll have to buy tons of postcards of Sabah to act as a pseudo-memory at this rate. (I know this sounds utterly pathetic)

Due to the lack of pictures in this post, I decided to include a picture of a hermit crab.

Hey buddy! :)

Blessed

I am horrible in saying goodbye. I just deleted a post titled "Goodbye" on this blog only to return over a year later saying I take it back. I want to write on this space once again. I miss this blog a lot. The main reason I stop blogging was because I was worried about how I'll be perceived and judge from what I write here, even though the title of this blog anticipated that to happen. I mean seriously.

READ.ENJOY.JUDGE as a blog title kind off took my right to complain about being judged here lol.
Reminds me of that scene in Pitch Perfect a lil' bit.

"You call yourself Fat Amy?"
"Yeah, that way twig b*****s like you don't do it behind my back."

 So what actually motivated me to come back here?
Well, a great person who comes to the life group lead by my mother (It's a home-based Christian meeting where we are taught lessons from the Bible) once told me to record down all the blessings from God that I have received to enable me to trust in Him more, seeing how much he has blessed me time and time again. You see, in exactly two weeks, I will be receiving my A2 results and this thought frightens me so damn much because if I don't get the grades that I need, die lah. I have had nightmares of not being able to make it to the UK, which is absolutely unacceptable to me because I need to get away from this country. I need to go to uni because as a 20-year-old girl who's about to embark on a journey to become a medical student and hopefully be a consultant, I have VERY long years ahead of me before I actually be able to start working and starting uni this late ain't helping.

That's why I need this space. It's hard for me to talk about my fears to other people because they understandably hate to tolerate a girl whom in her entire life, God has yet to give her something she DID NOT wanted.

For example:
1) All my life, I wanted to prove to my teachers back in Convent that I had what it takes to be number one there even though that spot had been dominated by some other girl for years.
 I BECAME TOP IN CONVENT FOR SPM IN MY YEAR.

2) Then, I wanted an awesome scholarship to read medicine in the UK, bond-free. I GOT THAT TOO.

3) But no, even that's not enough. I want my AS results to be high enough that it can persuade my teachers who for some are quite strict in giving predicted A* grades, to actually award me with 4A* predicted grades (Even though I knew I screwed up royally in my Biology and Physics papers). And guess what?

P/S: My predicted grades is 4A*.
P/P/S: I know it's nothing compared to what most of you geniuses get in your lifetime, but cut me some slack, for a numbskull like me, it's not too shabby.
P/P/P/S: I know I posted this same pic two post ago lol.

4) I want dem medical offers from UK and Ireland.  I got UCD btw via IUMC, and I was in the first batch to get it. None of those 2nd 3rd 4th round thingies. But the motherlode, from UK, was this.

I had no rejections. God knew I couldn't handle a NO from any uni. Granted, I did withdraw from Aberdeen because I was too lazy to attend the interview because by that time, I had four different offers from UK/Ireland to choose from.

Aha! Couldn't help myself with the expletives. (Repent Mirabel, repent!)

I am indeed blessed. The things I post here is just a snippet of what God has given me in life. I have so much more than this and I am forever blown away by how everything by HIS design, just fall into place.

I hope that in two weeks, I have an amazing A2 results to add to this list. Thats all.






I KNOW THIS POST ENDS BADLY (ABIT TERGANTUNG, BUT ITS 1.50 A.M AND I HAVE HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO EPISODE TO REWATCH)



BTW, I will be posting everyday from now till 13 August 2013 hopefully. I hope this works out :)

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. 

We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. 

And the human race is filled with passion. 

And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life.

But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. 

To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" 

Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. 

That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. 

What will your verse be? 

I'm BACK!!!!!!! Of ambitions, and resting on laurels.

I know, it's been a good god-knows-how-many-months ago that I posted  rants regarding my time in KYUEM, and honestly, that won't be the last one. You see, one of the reasons why I stopped blogging was my fear of authorities. I was afraid that some ky peeps will find out about what I've written and go all, "we will hunt you, and kill you" on me :/

WALAO, but seeing how the junior batch 15.0's are dressing around KY, I think I should be safe from the prying eyes of holier-than thous. Thank you juniors!

So yes, let's talk about ambitions today shall we? I started this blog when I was 16, and honestly, I thought that I was an interesting person with worthwhile things to say back then, with ambitions ranging from majoring in accountancy (WHICH I QUIT AFTER ENDURING ACCOUNTS FOR HALF THE YEAR IN FORM 4, PHEWWW), to law, and finally, to medicine. However, if you would ever tell my 16-year old self that one day, I'll have the opportunity to read medicine in the UK, paid for by the taxpayers of malaysia (through MARA scholarship no less) and not bonded (my fave word!), I would say u gotta get your head checked.How God provides right? AMAZING :)

You see, about 2 weeks ago, I just sent my uni application form to UCAS, and the following are my uni choices
1) Barts and The London, Queen Mary, LONDON!!!!!!!!!!
2) Aberdeen, Scotland
3) Queen's Belfast, Northern Ireland
4) Leicester
in that order.

BTW, I know that my application's strength is top notch considering most of  my competitors do not have actual AS grades, while I do, on top of having predicted grades.

MY AS RESULTS. 

I owe it all to GOD. Honestly, compared to my previous batch 13.0 seniors, my results are not that much to look at, but breaking 90% by the skin of my teeth for all 4 subjects, I know God continuously looks out for me. Therefore, my predicted grades are indeed 4 A*, with all my AS components at A grades :)

UKCAT RESULTS NOW!

TO GIVE AN AVERAGE OF 727.5!!!! It's above average, and it's the third highest score in KYUEM. Another OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG moment :) God, how amazing you are. 

I'm not boasting, because I know that paper qualifications do not indicate just how good of a doctor you are. However, it cannot be denied how important it is to strengthen my applications, and how good a doctor is really does depend on the medical university he/she goes to.For that, all glory to God.

Here's a song by the Katinas, a CCM band, which I dedicate to the Lord because above all, God is behind all this. So, all glory to Him. 

Just a little while longer I wanna pray

Can't get You off my mind so I came to say

Thank You Lord just for loving me

Many times as I do forget

Every need that You have met

Oh thank You Lord, I know You're showing me

You are there when I am down and out

You're holding me, Your love is so amazing

Oh it changed me

Chorus:

Here I am with all I am

Raise my hands to worship You

I wanna say thank you, oh thank you

For everything, for who You are

You cover me, You touch my heart

I wanna say thank you

I could have died in my sin but You saved me

Didn't have any hope at all

You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on

I should have been the one to pay

But instead You took my place

My Jesus, words cannot explain

Even though I don't deserve Your love for me

You look beyond my fault and You showed mercy

CHORUS

I wanna say thank you for the sun

I wanna say thank you for the rain

Everything You do is beautiful

I'm so grateful for Your love

Because even now I still think the world revolves around me.

Like wtf?! Of hemlines and distorted notion of rules

     So anyways, let's get right down to business shall we? When they say you skirt/pants should be at least knee-length, normal people would think that this

IS KNEE LENGTH.

THIS

IS KNEE-LENGTH.

THIS

IS FRIGIDDY FRIGGIDDY FUCKING KNEE-LENGTH.

So yes, I like them knee-length dresses. It's easy, just one piece of clothing, put it on, and you're good to go. None of those mix-and match shit-whatever-else that you have to do with other items of clothing. And less items of clothings to wash as well. I mean, WASHING one baju kurung, THIS

is like washing two dresses already. And before you complain about me being a lazy bitch, please do remember that I'm from freaking Sabah, and I don't go back every freaking SHORT AND LONG WEEKEND to an awesome house with awesome mothers who will awesome-ly wash clothes for their beloved, spoiled and entitled prince/princesses gifted and humble geniuses they have as their children.

Yes, there's the laundry service, but I don't trust them with my more expensive clothings as they've manage to lose my Esprit t-shirt which makes me look like I've lost weight. Now I'm stuck with the other Esprit t-shirt, the one that makes me look like I'm wearing a tent, or the the female version of Jabba the Hutt.

NO. JUST NO.

Anyways, my point is, I have tried to follow the rules. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, I AM adhering to the rules. The silly point brought up by a few people out there is, when they say knee-length dresses, they meant a dress that'll remain knee-length when you

a) Go up the stairs

b) when you're sitting down

c) In any other positions you might be found throughout the day ie bending down and etc.

With that in mind, this

IS NOT KNEE-LENGTH.

BUT THIS IS.

I don't want to make this into a religious issue, because it's not. KYUEM is and always will be a predominantly-Muslim community. With that, comes a level of conservativeness which must be taken note of and thus, makes KY incomparable to any other private colleges in Malaysia, in terms of their clothing policies.

However, like in anything and everything in this world, there's a limit to the amount of conservativeness a certain college can impose on their students. AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, most of us are bound to head to a Western country after KYUEM and trust me, if you haven't seen much body parts in your lifetime. THIS

  

IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THIS.

Speaking of which, I don't get what so sensual and alluring about kneecaps that people insist on covering it up so much. I mean, look down at yours now, 

SERIOUSLY, DO IT!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I mean omg, look at the curvature of that knee caps. God, it's so eye-popping and so gorgeous. Somehow, looking at it more, it's so...... phallic. The unevenness, can anyone say SEXXXXXXXXY. OMG, I just thought of the word SEXY. It has "SEX" in it. Gosh, now I need to go and have sex with any random stranger that I come across. OMG I CANNOT TAHAN. Must. watch. porn. And pleasure myself.

And it's all because of a person's kneecaps.  

BTW, To give me a piece of your mind, please key in GO-FUCK-YOURSELF on your mobile phone.

SORRY LAR I TAK BAIK,

Belle <3

I never thought I'd say this, but.....

I'm really really going to miss my whole career exposure experience at the Surgical Department of HQE 1&2.



The building where HQE 2 is located.

I roll at level 2,6 and 7. Had plenty of good experiences here, doing rounds which I sometimes just start at 6.30 a.m.but mostly around 7 a.m EVERY WEEKDAY. A lot of great experiences which I shall not put down because some of it is definitely getting into my personal statement, read: PERSONAL. Apparently, since UCAS has a very cool software which can detect plagiarisms among all PS, let's just say I have to keep this to myself :)

This is also where I get to see a few operations which were definitely coolness. 7 mastectomies seen (plus several other surgical procedures), whatchutalkinbout? :P The first time I saw it, I was mesmerized.

me mum
I saw someone's breast removed today.
OMG, you're not grossed out?
R u kidding me, it was awesomeness!
You did not just described such butchery as awesome.
Mum, it's to preserve life. It's not like I'm going to start cutting people up just because I think it's awesome okay? But it was lar.


BY THE WAY, THE OPERATING THEATER IS THE BOMB.
I loved every second of it. Hahaha, although at one point of a surgery, I ter-touched itu trolley with surgical  apparatus which is supposed to be sterile, WITH MA BARE HANDS. Which is so not sterile. I thought the doctors were going to kill me, cause I delayed the procedure. I also thought the staff nurse would be super pissed off, cause there's more for her to do. BUT THEY DIDN'T. The nurse just made sure everything's sterile again, and everything went back to being peachy.
By the way, male doctors in scrubs? HOTNESS. ;)

Anyways, ended the day by giving the dept head and the MO that I shadowed for chocs as a token of appreciation for letting me be a nuisance for 3 weeks. Good times, good times :) 7 years more before I become a doctor, God willing.



iwishihadmoreenthusiasmtowritelongernicerpost :(



xoxo
Mirabel

Back from dead

     It's been forever since I've blogged about anything. To tell you the truth, I've been writing, and then deleting the words because I didn't really have the courage to put anything up. I sort of realized that people who might be reading my blog now (if any) are no longer my high school friends whom I've known for years, and I'm afraid I'll be judged for the contents of my blog. WHICH SOOOOOO DOES NOT REPRESENT ME ACCURATELY.

     But then again, I realized, why bother? I love this space, I love just writing what I feel like writing, just to get things off of my chest. Besides, it's one way to get my friends to know how I'm doing because frankly, I'm the worsT when it comes to keeping in touch. Thanks Ruggie AKA Ruggie for telling me to unprivatise and update my blog.


So what's new?

• I'm the new Pre-Medical Club President
• and Sexay-tary for the debate club :p
• I've gathered up enough courage to play the guitar in front of people other than the Life Group members at home :)
• Is spending the six weeks sem holiday wasting time AND going for work attachment in the surgical dept of QEH.

Everything's going terrible academically though. No studying yet. But I'm starting as soon as I finish this blog post. Because I have like 2 weeks left of studying and I didn't carry 26 kilos worth of books for nothing. Fined RM 30 kg for overweight baggage lagi tue.

And debate, oh my gosh debate. I'm not good, inexperienced, not widely read, easily scared, easily wavered. What in the world was I thinking when I signed up for it? Oh right, it's so that I can "improve" myself. RIGHT.

To add to that, I'm kinda sorta not sure if I'm up to the life of being a doctor. And to add fuel to fire, all the doctors are literally asking me to go be a dentist. Oh oh oh no, that's not the best part. 

EVEN A PHARMACIST SAID BEING A DENTIST IS SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER.

    Eeeeeyer, but NO! I've decided to stick to my career plan of being a doctor. I'm going to go UK, and I'm going to go to a medical school there. 

Is it going to be hard? ABSOLUTELY. 

But then again, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

Who knows, 7 years from now, I'll have people call me Dr. Mirabel. 

And this thought is what keeps me going these days.

:)

Mirabel

Sem exam's in 12 days......

     But all I can think about is going home. With an IELTS presentation on Northern Ireland yet to be prepared for and a luggage yet to be packed, I can feel that tomorrow's classes will lack my attention.




But it's okay, today, I'm happy :)

Offend me once, shame on you

     The art of admonishing a person is to not do it in public first and forermost. Even if that particular person is doing something wrong, there's no need to put them on a pedestal. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE? I used to respect you alot, but no longer will I view you the same after all the choices you seem to have made with your life and how you chose to treat others around. 

It's my fault, I know. But admonishing me in front of EVERYONE? I'm offended, so I'm sorry for being human.

“Your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care. Worry when you do something badly and nobody bothers to tell you.” 

― Randy Pausch

Yeah, thanks Randy. But it's so much easier being said than done. 

P/S= I wont speak about it anymore. All I want to think about is my sem exam. 400? Challenge accepted!

P/P/S= It'll be a cold day in hell if my results arent awesome enough.

Inquiring minds

     It's been too long. What can I say, when you're in a place with so many scholars, academics has it's way of taking over your time and social life. Sigh.....

     To be honest, being in KY makes me feel...... sad? I don't know. I'm just not use to the crowd I guess. There's something about high school friends (especially the ones that I have) that sort of have me compare every single person I've come to know to them. High school friends are indeed the best <3

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends

1) Honesty.

2) They have a certain aspect of them that I respect. I can only be with people whom I respect. So yes, I respect my friends. Every one of them.

3) The ability to bullshit creatively. Very important.

4) They are happy with themselves. Meaning they do not try to be anyone else but themselves.

5) Supportive.

6) Clever and witty.

7) Not desperate or/and conceited. I loathe desperate and conceited people.

8) A bunch of weirdos, just like ME :)

      On another note, I know to some people there, I can come off as bitchy and a know-it-all. I KNOW. I'm not proud of it, I have character flaws, and so many of them in fact. Work-in-progress. That I am. But sometimes, I just don't have the energy to care about what other people think. I don't live for YOUR approval anyway.

     By no means am I having a shitty time here though. Somehow, KY has also been an amazing experience. Like guess who's the sexay-tary for the Debate Club? Sigh, I'm crazy I know.  Debating skills at varsity level is so not my thing. I need to improve my ability to bullshit, my skills are deteriorating. But that's life right? You throw caution to the wind, say "Eff it! (:D)" and just do it.

Somehow I have a sinking feeling that I'll come to regret this later. Sigh

     I really don't know what else to write. But this goes out to one guy though. Judging me before you even know me? Oh, and not being ashamed to tell other people exactly how you feel? You really do know the way to a girl's heart don't you?

      

    Honey, tread carefully here. I came from an all-girls school and if you bite, I'll bite back. Just don't cross the line cause I'll end you.

And I'll make it look like an accident.

Bell

Bibliophile

     Giving tuition in Ranau was good. I never thought charity could be so expensive though. It's so time and money-consuming. I'm not complaining though. I loved it, every second of it. I loved it when I heard the kids gasped as I explained the concept of certain Add Maths topics to them. I know what they were thinking, that at that moment, everything that baffled them finally made sense.That the answers was in front of them all along. It just needed someone who knew enough to point it out. And for that I am happy.

     It was nice to share some thoughts and life philosophies of mine to them as well. There was this girl who asked, "Cikgu, did you study ten hours a day?". Gosh, me, studied? I wish I could bring them back in time with me to see what I did with my time. Which was basically, hours and hours wasted. My mum said, had I worked that much harder, I could have gotten the 10 A+ I desired so much. Hmmmmmph.

     But it's all in the past right? So, I told them the truth. That I did not bust my ass off for SPM. That I'd rather spend my time OUT of class joining competitions that I know I'll lose. But you know, I've learned so much from joining something and not winning it. It's hard to explain here, but I did. Especially in debate, which I'd joined for three years and have not even been in the finals for it. And because of that, I did not just become another straight A student.

     My worth, my substance as a person was therefore not solely judged by a single paper obtained after over three months of waiting. And for that, I am grateful. I might not have been THAT girl who kept to a fixed plan, who planned her day down to the very last second (WAA). But I turned up okay :)

     Although I may not be keeping in touch with the kids, (I don't even remember their names), I can only hope that sometime, somewhere during those two days, I taught them something. Not only how to score in SPM, but how to lead one's life.

Go and exceed expectations kids. Especially your own :)

     Something that's slipping out of my hand though is the luxury of time.The luxury to wake up late, sleep late, and read all the books that I had been meaning to read but hadn't. Oh God, if I have to read all my life, I'd be living in heaven.I honestly don't mind working in a library, just because. I'm into medical thrillers now, Tess Gerittsen is my new Jodi Picoult. I learn so much about the medical world reading these kind of books, about serial killers and mutilation ironically. But that's the best way to learn something

A HEAD FAKE.


A ‘head-fake,’ occurs when someone is taught a deeper lesson under the pretense of learning something simple — when a high school football player learns determination, teamwork, and perseverance while seeming to learn a proper three-point stance, for instance.


     That's how I intend to learn about medicine before college starts. I just don't have the attention, the focus needed to read through thousands of pages of boring medical journals, filled with words I can't even pronounce, let alone understand. 


     So, I'm reading through thousands of pages of twisted stories, one that makes sleep a distant memory for the horrors it potrays, but it also taught me that Hansen's disease is the formal name of leprosy, and that the reason why pancreatic cancer is the deadliest forms of cancer is because the symptoms are only noticeable at the latter stage, and treatment is near impossible because pancreas is at the junction of the major organs in the human body; namely the stomach, the liver and the lungs and that's why is so aggressive and metastasizes very fast.


     My head may be filled with worthless informations that my peers won't care about, but at least my head is filled with something. In this day of information technology, it seems people are getting dumber. Well, I'll do anything in my power for that not to happen to me. 


I'VE. NEVER. BEEN. SO. PROUD. OF. BEING. A. BOOKWORM.

Nunnism

     In an effort to appear more charitable and also to give the perception that I do indeed have a soul, I have signed up as a tuition teacher/ motivational speaker (?????!!!!!!!!!!!!) at SMK Datuk Paduka Mat Salleh, Ranau. RANAU!

...............................To this day, the length at which I'd go to get out of my comfort zone continues to baffle me. 

     You wanna know something more shocking? Imma stay with a bunch of nuns while I'm there. Gosh, nuns. In a convent. A nunnery. Gah! So, when I'm not teaching a bunch of a year-younger kids, I would..... PRAY? Hmmmmm, not exactly how I imagine I'd waste spend my holidays.

     And what do nuns do for fun anyway?

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

     On a more serious note, I have to admit that I'm scared shitless. I mean, here I am presented with the opportunity to give a talk that would hopefully be life-changing for these kids,and I don't know if I can deliver exactly that. What if I have nothing new to tell them? What if in their mind, what I say has no relevance to them at all? What if I make things worse for them by giving them false hope? What if I can't even give them hope? 

     Will I disappoint the teachers who's class will be taken over by me doing God knows what? Yes, I don't really have a clue about what I'm going to do with the kids.

  I DON'T FREAKING KNOW!

I'm reminded of my time teaching the small kids at SRK Pulau Tuba under PKTR. I don't know if I did a good job. But even then, I had the support of my Karipap team members to help teach the kids. But now, I'm doing it ALONE. No mum, no friends, no peers, no one. 

Except maybe the nuns. Pfffffffffft.

      After spending hours surfing the Net/ prepping worksheets/ watching videos/psyching myself up for the tuition-giving/speaking engagement at this Ranau school, I hereby declare that I have a new sense of respect towards the teaching job. It takes alot to be an awesome teacher. I KNOW NOW.

     Alas, wish me the best, the thingy majingy is two days from now. Hopefully I'll update with some good news :D

      

Lottery

I used to lose hair when I'm stressed up. Form 4 and Form 5 was the time when I shed hair like a dog. What's the point of me writing this? None really, but I've stopped losing so much hair in times of immense stress. Nope, nowadays, I get ugly pimples on my face. So ugly in fact that when I went home to receive some scholarship which I'm going to reject anyway, my mum brought me to see a dermatologist. And he told me my hormones have gone haywire. So now I'm on antibiotics and some other medicine and I have to apply some ointment on my face, to avoid looking like I'm breeding volcanoes on my face. It's been three days, and I see immense improvement. For that I'm happy. I owe it all to the doctor, as well as to having less stress in my life.

This is the part where you'll be thinking, "OMG, what a tedious blogger. Every, mundane, minute details have to be described and exploited."

And this is when I say, NO. There's more to it. You see, despite being in the middle of exams, I have no stress whatsoever because I have been awarded the MARA scholarship. 2 years in KYUEM (only the best institution ever in Malaysia) and if I make it there, a scholarship to pursue medicine in UK. I'm grateful, truly and utterly grateful. The thing is, I know now that people are treating me differently because of this. 

I only got 7A+. Others who got better result than I did, some who got straight A+ received ugly scholarships that are way below what they really deserved. My Bio teacher at HELP summed it up perfectly. "I'm not surprised Mirabel got it. She's a Bumiputera, and a Sabahan at that. It's very easy for HER."

I'm not offended in any way when she said that, because I know every word is true. 

Exhibit A: KYUEM. Most people I know got sent to various Kolej MARA in the country.

Exhibit B: Medicine in UK. ENOUGH SAID. 

What I'm trying to convey in this post is that I know I've won the equivalent of a birth lottery in Malaysia. I know that life for me here in terms of opportunities is so much greater than other people. I know.

But I also want to let you know that it is not a right that I will abuse. That I'll work hard to prove that I too, deserve this opportunity like the next person. And hopefully,the next achievement that I'll receive, people would say "Congratulations, you truly deserve this" as opposed to "Oh wow, congratulations! *rolls eyes*". 

So where do I stand now in life? I'm leaving HELP, and this breaks my heart. But I'm moving forward towards achieving a more meaningful life in this world.

 I'm also trying to quit my habit of complaining. Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. I realized that any time I spend whining is unlikely to help me achieve my goals. And it won't make me happier.

Lastly, I'm giving myself permission to dream. I'm renewing my goal of going to Cambridge University to pursue medicine, a dream I gave up on in HELP. We'll see how it goes.


But for now, life goes on.