This too shall pass

I think I think I think, I'm starting to fall for you. I wanted to use gravity as a scapegoat to this situation but darn, I don't think Isaac Newton had this type of "fall" in mind. Anyways, I'll handle it as I do any other complicated things. I'll sweep it under the rug, and wait for this feelings to stop. :)

Heal me, I'm heartsick

     How many times can a heart go through heartbreaks and separation before it stops being whole?


I really don't think a person can put a conclusive figure on that, cause I guess, what can't kill us will make us stronger, right? Living away from home, from my comfort zone, really opened my eyes to how life really works.SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME, it's all gonna be okay. I'm the living proof :)

SPM really opened my eyes to alot of things. In high school, I was never top anything. I was always that girl who joined something because there happened to be a spot left; and they needed someone to complete the team. Remember public speaking as well? Remember when I was the 3rd choice? Remember how I was only given three days to write a script? Remember how I still joined out of eagerness because I was never given a chance to join anything else? Remember how it was during the mid-year exam? Remember how I won?


Yes, my whole life, I was never considered good enough for anything. I was angry at my parents because they never pushed me to be an overachiever. They say it's because they claim that they'd rather see me live my life out as carefree as possible, and not be sucked into the competitiveness that usually comes with being an Asian. 

However, i loathe mediocrity. I loathe being average. So I just tried my best, in everything. Sadly, doing your best is not easy when people continues trying to push you down. And yes, I'm talking to you, my dearest principal and MOST teachers in Convent. How does it feel having your prodigy, the carrier of your dreams hopes and aspirations to NOT live up to your expectations? How does it feel to have a NOBODY on the other hand to get that article written solely for her in the newspaper?

Yes, revenge is indeed a dish best served cold. 5 years cold in fact. But nothing has ever tasted as satisfying. I WOULD KNOW. So let this be a lesson to you all my dear juniors. It's not who starts well, it's who ENDS well.

I'm glad that despite my underdog title, I did it with God's help. So thank you God as well. You're awesome, you know that? Oh wait, you are all-knowing :D

So how do I wrap this up? Oh yes, let's end  with the underdog theme.

Have high expectations.
Never expect to lose.
Always prepare a victory speech because who knows, you might use it someday. I just did <3
Celebrate your successes, then move on quickly.

AND
ALWAYS
BE
HUMBLE

Now, I'm back to being the underdog in KL. Wish me the best as I  go on another long, arduous and hard journey to the top. But hey, if I can handle 5 years of that in high school, I believe I have what it takes for this. God willing.

xoxo
MIRROR BELL

When you come around, I come undone

My early days in PKTR were quite horrid. People there, they talk, talk, and talk like tin kosonglaa. They just know how to talk really GOOD English but POOR ideas. That made simple things became too complicated. Me and Aina, we all just sat back and observed what was happening. Though sometimes we did have to interrupt so everything will run smoothly.


Copy and pasted from hanie's blog. Can you say ouch? :(


The truth hurts. That's just how it is. However, the naked truth is always better than a best dressed lie. I thank you so much Hanie, for this. 
I remember at camp, I was going around thinking, damn, setting myself apart from these people would be a walk in the park. Arrogance lar kan. But it never hit me that standing out is not always a good thing if it's for the wrong reasons. Thankfully, somehow, I woke up. It wasn't the nicest feeling at that time, but it was necessary.


It's human nature lar I guess. We tell the worst lies to ourselves to make ourselves feel better. We live in denial about what we do, and what we think. I tried to figure out, why oh why do we do this? And then it hit me. We do this because we are afraid. I know I was, and to a certain extent, I still am.


I'm afraid of my academic future. 
I'm afraid that I'll never be able to meet THE ONE. 
I'm afraid that I'll truly backslide in my walk with GOD.


Ok, commercial break first! I know that I haven't potrayed a very good impression of how a Christian should be. I know, I know, I know. But I'm working on it mmmmmkay. Please help me God, don't forsake me please.


Back on topic. So yeah, fear is a powerful word. But courage is also defined as being willing to be afraid, BUT act anyway. Thank you PKTR, and the people there. You helped me wake up.


But I can't leave on this note can I? Hanie wrote this in her blog as well. 


Day by day, I could see amazing changes in people........ Among the LOUDEST was Mirabel. She had improved a lot and proved that she is a very intelligent lady.


:)




When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them. And that something for me was PKTR.




I only hope you'd experience something that would change you for the better too. Amen :)

This looks like a good beginning.........

My first post for 2011!!!!!!!!!

My dorm's management finally decided to stop being such a biatch and unblock blogger, Thank God. The place where I vent out all my frustrations is finally back to me. Oh bloggie, how I miss you so <3

Life in KL has been pretty darn good. Somehow, by God's grace, I was voted to be treasurer for SASA, beating out worthy candidates from KL schools itself. Not perasan, just very very happy.

 Joined Toastmasters. 

Had a HUGE wake up call about my debating skills.

Gonna join HELP's Model United Nations as a delegate. Please let me represent Norway :)

Became the Chem class's rep.

Went to PKTR <3

Met amazing people whom I now count as my closest friends in KL.

I know all of this sound redundant and are considered stupid little things that are usually scoffed off but to me, I've achieved quite alot so far. I DID NOT BECOME INVISIBLE.

However, I've come to realize that while I'm not invisible, I am known as that person without substance. I know, ouch rite? TIN KOSONG. But alas, failure is not falling down. It's simply refusing to get back up. And trust me, I will get back up.

No regrets though, none whatsoever. After all, life is all about experimentation right? At least I can say that I've never regretted one single moment in my life. However bimbotic I can be. 

The only thing I have now is faith and diligence that one day, I'm going to be known for things more worthwhile than the girl with the pick up lines, or the girls who says random things at the wrong time.

One day, I'm going to make a difference in my community, as an oncologist or otherwise. One day, I'm going to be somebody I can be proud of. WATCH ME.

It's not pride that I want all this. 

It's just that one day, when I'm about to die, my life will flash before my eyes.

 I just want to make sure that I can say I have truly lived before life is snuffed out from me.

Bring on the unknown, seriously. BRING IT!