I want to start over

Can I please? At the stage I'm at now, I'm never going to be a straight A's student in A-levels. It's not even me being pessimistic anymore. I'm just being realistic, and frankly, reality's being a menopausal biatch on steroids. Pfffff, even my metaphors are all over the place now. 16 May, bring forth good news about the MARA scholarship please? I just want a do-over. I need to buy more time. I'm just not ready.





P/s: I miss my family :(

Sometimes, I wonder if you look at my Facebook page, like I look at yours :)

Mendengar guruh di langit, air di tempayan dicurahkan

Gone are the days when getting 70% for physics was a GOOD thing. Now, it's just............. despicable! Everything academic related involving A-Levels currently is going yucks.

Timetable for mock exams:
Bio         : 21st April
M3 c1    : 26th April
Phy        : 3rd May
M3 c2   :  4th May
Chem    : 6th May

And exam's in 29 days.

But but but, why the skema malay peribahasa as this post's title????? Well, I'm kinda sorta going back to Sabah from 22th April to 29th April. Yups, I'm missing out on m3 c1 mocks :( The thing is this, when I came to KL for HELP under SASA scholarship, I was under the impression that I screwed SPM up. Well, let's just say that's not the case *coughs*. So, I'm coming back for the MARA interview, even though I actually asked to be interviewed in Shah Alam. God's intervention perhaps? Anyways, my mum is so convinced that I CAN get this scholarship, provided I really kick ass during the interview, which is why I'm coming back early. Yes yes, I know, don't count your chickens before they hatch. I KNOW. Can someone just please mention that to mummy? The dilemma is, even without coming back to Sabah, even in KL here right now, I'm lagging so far behind.

*Which explains why I didn't even bother to apply for Oxbridge*



Sigh. I have so much to be grateful for, I know. I can count so many people who has it worst than me. The problem is, I'm comparing myself to SOOOOOOOOOO many other people who are better than me. Such is the life of a Kadazan living in KL.

I HAZ SUCCUMBED TO KIASU-ISM. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.


But the thing is, I'm still going to skip school for 5 whole days. I think I'm basically dead. Since the interview itself is on such a late notice, chances are, I'm still going to sit for the exam IF, AND I MEAN IF, IF IF IF IF IF IF I get the scholarship.



Such is the uncertainties in life. Here's to guidance,hope, faith love, security and *cross fingers*, free education.

Father God, please give me the willpower to deflect distractions and the motivation to do everything it takes to succeed.

Here's to 20 hours caffeine-fueled days :) Oh, happy happy joy. NOT!

Welcome to Girl World. Only the bitchiest survive

Grrrrrr, you're soo annoying that I'm contemplating going full-on bitchy mode and just make you realize what a HUGE mistake you just made by messing with me. Don't you know that I have it in me to bite? I thought I was over it in high school. Apparently, the transition from college to high school is never clear cut. Not when people like you exist. But thing is huney, I didn't bite did I?

Coz your timing is lousy. Loooousy.

Why woman? Why the last month before exams? Why? Why can't you be all bitchy to me in the middle of the damn term? When I was bored out of mind and all emo bout becoming an adult and all that? Why? I would have welcome your bitchiness as an amusing distraction but now seeing that it is the last month, I am not gonna play that game with you. A month? I know you're good in this game and so am I, but seriously, even with you and me combine we can't create enough drama in a month before EXAMS. Lousy timing.

Boo, you whore.

But maybe...maybe if we would to end up in the same class next term and you still feel threatened by my presence onto your existence and if I have nothing else to do with my time, then yes, I'll bite. The game have been set anyways... and one player is already in. Up to me if I wanna play this with you but if I do then that means I actually have to pay attention to you and acknowledge your... existence.

So the only question left...are your worthy of my time and attention?

..........................I think you are.

Game. Set. Match. JULY 2011.

All I need is you

     I don't know what's going to happen in the future Lord, You know what I've been through today, but I shall remain strong and have faith that you'll work everything out for me. You always have done so God, so I give you my prayers and petition for my present and future now. I lay them at your feet, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. You promise to carry us through our darkest days right? I'm holding on to that promise now. I love you God, now and for the rest of my life~

Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

I HAZ BECOME A NERD

     Guess who just deactivated her Facebook account? It needs to be done, exam's in 43 days and I don't think I can score given my brain and it's limited brain capacity :/ Oh how I miss SPM and the days where I can study just a week before and still score. Hmmmmmmph, maybe that's why I only got 7A+ but oh well. I'm happy.

Which brings me to the topic of my post.

1 SADDENING FACT: Sabah only has 4 straight A+ scorers for SPM. In my class of 30 people in college alone, there are 3 STRAIGHT A+ peeps. And my result is among the lowest there. Why is Sabah so lacking, so behind the other states? Is it genetically coded in our genes that SABAHANS=STUPID? I really wish I can say that it's not true, but I can't. Statistics proves so. Yeah yeah yeah, I know that we are lacking in facilities, teachers, blax3 *rolls eyes*, but seriously? 4?! Only?!

I think I know why. Sabahans do not have good work ethics. Painful to hear, but the truth hurts.

But I shall not be defined by the brainpower and the work ethics of my community. I shall be the exception. I don't care if it hurts me now. I don't care if I have to come out tired and worn out. After all, the proof of gold is fire. I believe I have what it takes. And I can do it with God's help.

Ecclesiastes 9: 10, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might”  
EXACTLY. I'm now in A-levels, and I shall give my all in being an A-levels student. A good, amazing and outstanding one.




Colossians 3: 23-25, “Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord, not for             men”.
Because at the end of the day, as a Christian, our success in life shall be a testimony of God's love and God's blessing in our lives. Our achievements can be used to encourage others, that truly, we have a God who provides :)


I feel sad for my schoolmates. I wished that I could help all of them to succeed in SPM, or at least to get straight A's. But I can't, but I tried my best in helping the few that I can. I guess, at the end of the day, they have to help themselves.


But you know what I hate the most? When people start to say, "I'm doing this paper on faith". What faith?! You had the chance to study, to ask questions, to revise, to catch up. BUT YOU DIDN'T! And when you get the results that you get, the tears start falling and you start blaming God. Like HELLO! God does not grant successes just like that. He is not Santa Claus. The fact that you're treating him like one speaks volume for your character. You dependent, needy, liability of a person! I hope you will grow up after this, I really do.
Because it will be painful for me to see you suffer if you don't grow up :(




P/S: I'm sick and tired of spammers, so no more c-box ;D

This too shall pass

I think I think I think, I'm starting to fall for you. I wanted to use gravity as a scapegoat to this situation but darn, I don't think Isaac Newton had this type of "fall" in mind. Anyways, I'll handle it as I do any other complicated things. I'll sweep it under the rug, and wait for this feelings to stop. :)

Heal me, I'm heartsick

     How many times can a heart go through heartbreaks and separation before it stops being whole?


I really don't think a person can put a conclusive figure on that, cause I guess, what can't kill us will make us stronger, right? Living away from home, from my comfort zone, really opened my eyes to how life really works.SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME, it's all gonna be okay. I'm the living proof :)

SPM really opened my eyes to alot of things. In high school, I was never top anything. I was always that girl who joined something because there happened to be a spot left; and they needed someone to complete the team. Remember public speaking as well? Remember when I was the 3rd choice? Remember how I was only given three days to write a script? Remember how I still joined out of eagerness because I was never given a chance to join anything else? Remember how it was during the mid-year exam? Remember how I won?


Yes, my whole life, I was never considered good enough for anything. I was angry at my parents because they never pushed me to be an overachiever. They say it's because they claim that they'd rather see me live my life out as carefree as possible, and not be sucked into the competitiveness that usually comes with being an Asian. 

However, i loathe mediocrity. I loathe being average. So I just tried my best, in everything. Sadly, doing your best is not easy when people continues trying to push you down. And yes, I'm talking to you, my dearest principal and MOST teachers in Convent. How does it feel having your prodigy, the carrier of your dreams hopes and aspirations to NOT live up to your expectations? How does it feel to have a NOBODY on the other hand to get that article written solely for her in the newspaper?

Yes, revenge is indeed a dish best served cold. 5 years cold in fact. But nothing has ever tasted as satisfying. I WOULD KNOW. So let this be a lesson to you all my dear juniors. It's not who starts well, it's who ENDS well.

I'm glad that despite my underdog title, I did it with God's help. So thank you God as well. You're awesome, you know that? Oh wait, you are all-knowing :D

So how do I wrap this up? Oh yes, let's end  with the underdog theme.

Have high expectations.
Never expect to lose.
Always prepare a victory speech because who knows, you might use it someday. I just did <3
Celebrate your successes, then move on quickly.

AND
ALWAYS
BE
HUMBLE

Now, I'm back to being the underdog in KL. Wish me the best as I  go on another long, arduous and hard journey to the top. But hey, if I can handle 5 years of that in high school, I believe I have what it takes for this. God willing.

xoxo
MIRROR BELL

When you come around, I come undone

My early days in PKTR were quite horrid. People there, they talk, talk, and talk like tin kosonglaa. They just know how to talk really GOOD English but POOR ideas. That made simple things became too complicated. Me and Aina, we all just sat back and observed what was happening. Though sometimes we did have to interrupt so everything will run smoothly.


Copy and pasted from hanie's blog. Can you say ouch? :(


The truth hurts. That's just how it is. However, the naked truth is always better than a best dressed lie. I thank you so much Hanie, for this. 
I remember at camp, I was going around thinking, damn, setting myself apart from these people would be a walk in the park. Arrogance lar kan. But it never hit me that standing out is not always a good thing if it's for the wrong reasons. Thankfully, somehow, I woke up. It wasn't the nicest feeling at that time, but it was necessary.


It's human nature lar I guess. We tell the worst lies to ourselves to make ourselves feel better. We live in denial about what we do, and what we think. I tried to figure out, why oh why do we do this? And then it hit me. We do this because we are afraid. I know I was, and to a certain extent, I still am.


I'm afraid of my academic future. 
I'm afraid that I'll never be able to meet THE ONE. 
I'm afraid that I'll truly backslide in my walk with GOD.


Ok, commercial break first! I know that I haven't potrayed a very good impression of how a Christian should be. I know, I know, I know. But I'm working on it mmmmmkay. Please help me God, don't forsake me please.


Back on topic. So yeah, fear is a powerful word. But courage is also defined as being willing to be afraid, BUT act anyway. Thank you PKTR, and the people there. You helped me wake up.


But I can't leave on this note can I? Hanie wrote this in her blog as well. 


Day by day, I could see amazing changes in people........ Among the LOUDEST was Mirabel. She had improved a lot and proved that she is a very intelligent lady.


:)




When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them. And that something for me was PKTR.




I only hope you'd experience something that would change you for the better too. Amen :)

This looks like a good beginning.........

My first post for 2011!!!!!!!!!

My dorm's management finally decided to stop being such a biatch and unblock blogger, Thank God. The place where I vent out all my frustrations is finally back to me. Oh bloggie, how I miss you so <3

Life in KL has been pretty darn good. Somehow, by God's grace, I was voted to be treasurer for SASA, beating out worthy candidates from KL schools itself. Not perasan, just very very happy.

 Joined Toastmasters. 

Had a HUGE wake up call about my debating skills.

Gonna join HELP's Model United Nations as a delegate. Please let me represent Norway :)

Became the Chem class's rep.

Went to PKTR <3

Met amazing people whom I now count as my closest friends in KL.

I know all of this sound redundant and are considered stupid little things that are usually scoffed off but to me, I've achieved quite alot so far. I DID NOT BECOME INVISIBLE.

However, I've come to realize that while I'm not invisible, I am known as that person without substance. I know, ouch rite? TIN KOSONG. But alas, failure is not falling down. It's simply refusing to get back up. And trust me, I will get back up.

No regrets though, none whatsoever. After all, life is all about experimentation right? At least I can say that I've never regretted one single moment in my life. However bimbotic I can be. 

The only thing I have now is faith and diligence that one day, I'm going to be known for things more worthwhile than the girl with the pick up lines, or the girls who says random things at the wrong time.

One day, I'm going to make a difference in my community, as an oncologist or otherwise. One day, I'm going to be somebody I can be proud of. WATCH ME.

It's not pride that I want all this. 

It's just that one day, when I'm about to die, my life will flash before my eyes.

 I just want to make sure that I can say I have truly lived before life is snuffed out from me.

Bring on the unknown, seriously. BRING IT!

Today has been a FUCKING day

     I know I'm swearing, but I'm so angry that I don't care. I've just witnessed how fucked up and corrupted our authorities are and for that, I'm fucking fuming. My holidays can go to hell.


This is not over you filthy JPJ bastards!

Oh my heart, my heart cannot tahan

     For 3 years, 3 years I have been listening to SuJu, but only recently have I fallen in lust none other than CHOI SI WON.




HIS FACE OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG SO EFFED UP HOT:

The ' Sex God body' :

ne

If you still don't believe in God kan, start believing now. How else can such a perfect specimen of a human man be created without God's touch? Such hawtness. 

When I go to South Korea someday, imma go meet Sex-God, i mean Siwon, and take a picture with him. That's it. Just a picture with some hot dude with a washboard abs you could spread whipped cream on. I'll never dream of doing anything more...... carnal to him.

Plus, you know….it’s not like there’s anything wrong with keeping a dozen bottles of whipped cream at the back of my closet. It’s completely normal.

No hidden agenda whatsoever. None.

kthxbai

Time is not wasted if you enjoy wasting it :)

     So true.

Today was fun, had lunch with Shannon before she goes back to KL and continue her A-level studies in, gasp! England! I'll miss you babe, remember what I told you, stay pure.

Before the lunch though, I manage to squeeze in some workouts though, shopping workouts! My aunt just opened a boutique in the lower ground floor of Karamunsing. Mind you, she has fabulous taste.

The boutique's signboard

My fave dress there :)

:This is what I finally bought:

Effed up pretty lar this dress.

It's the sleeves I tell you, it's the sleeves

Ok lar, boleh lar, just wear to go buy fish or something. =_='

What my mum bought.....

Old people, old fashion taste.

t

I know, it's too young for a menopausal woman right. Maybe I'll borrow it from her, hehe.

Actually, there are sooo many nice stuff to buy there and the price is quite affordable, so if you guys free kan, why not just drop by and buy something. Sure have yang you like wan.

However, if this holiday season has really made your pockets empty, here's another GLORIOUS way to waste time.

Go to looklet.com and just have a fun, VIRTUAL makeover. Best website ever! Basically, you pick the model, the background, clothes, shoes and accessories and have the freedom to style a look however you please.

  

Example:

Yes, you're welcome :)

I thought being free would feel great

I was wrong :(

Holiday's aren't fun if you have to do sooooo many effing important things at in a short span of time.

• Get my elusive driving license. 1 effin year man, I year has passed since I went to the ceramah and if everything had gone according to plan, I would be driving legally by April this year. Inilah, stupid effin competitions, stupid effing Interact duties, stupid effing exams. Akhirnya, postponed, postponed, postponed. Just 1 more step to go, the JPJ laluan test for me to get that license. Please lar God, make it happen by Friday, 19th Dec. If not kan, i'll be tempted to jump out of a building. It must happen by this month because.....

• I'll be gone by 1st January to KL. To Help University. Because my parents hate me and they want me out as soon as possible. Oh, and also because i received a scholarship :)

          

         At least I'm helping my parents to save 18 grand.But now, I only have less than three weeks left to prepare every thing for KL. This better be worth it, I'm going to HELP only because I know it's a great stepping stone to go to the University of Cambridge. I really hope this decision is the right one.
I guess godbye SMK St. Francis Convent, and hello HELP!

• Make a Facebook. I know this seems so easy to 99.9999% of the world population, but to me, it's easier said than done. I'm really technologically-inept. Nerd and Emeh have seen me try with Facebook, so they know. Hehe.
• Continue my guitar classes with extensive lessons. Die die also must be better than daddy.
• Try to find time to spend with family and friends. 
• Try to waste as much time as possible before going on full-on Nerd mode for A-levels.

• Try not to lose too many things, bad habit Mir. It's especially not cool if parents are not there to clean up your mess. Haiz....
• And finally, to just make the most of my time in this wonderful place. I'll miss Sabah, so much memories here.

Most of all, I'll miss YOU !!!!!! Will you miss me too?

Just admit it, we all know we can't stay like this forever right? But that doesn't mean we can't memorize it, if it's just to remind us of all the great times we had had together :)