Bibliophile

     Giving tuition in Ranau was good. I never thought charity could be so expensive though. It's so time and money-consuming. I'm not complaining though. I loved it, every second of it. I loved it when I heard the kids gasped as I explained the concept of certain Add Maths topics to them. I know what they were thinking, that at that moment, everything that baffled them finally made sense.That the answers was in front of them all along. It just needed someone who knew enough to point it out. And for that I am happy.

     It was nice to share some thoughts and life philosophies of mine to them as well. There was this girl who asked, "Cikgu, did you study ten hours a day?". Gosh, me, studied? I wish I could bring them back in time with me to see what I did with my time. Which was basically, hours and hours wasted. My mum said, had I worked that much harder, I could have gotten the 10 A+ I desired so much. Hmmmmmph.

     But it's all in the past right? So, I told them the truth. That I did not bust my ass off for SPM. That I'd rather spend my time OUT of class joining competitions that I know I'll lose. But you know, I've learned so much from joining something and not winning it. It's hard to explain here, but I did. Especially in debate, which I'd joined for three years and have not even been in the finals for it. And because of that, I did not just become another straight A student.

     My worth, my substance as a person was therefore not solely judged by a single paper obtained after over three months of waiting. And for that, I am grateful. I might not have been THAT girl who kept to a fixed plan, who planned her day down to the very last second (WAA). But I turned up okay :)

     Although I may not be keeping in touch with the kids, (I don't even remember their names), I can only hope that sometime, somewhere during those two days, I taught them something. Not only how to score in SPM, but how to lead one's life.

Go and exceed expectations kids. Especially your own :)

     Something that's slipping out of my hand though is the luxury of time.The luxury to wake up late, sleep late, and read all the books that I had been meaning to read but hadn't. Oh God, if I have to read all my life, I'd be living in heaven.I honestly don't mind working in a library, just because. I'm into medical thrillers now, Tess Gerittsen is my new Jodi Picoult. I learn so much about the medical world reading these kind of books, about serial killers and mutilation ironically. But that's the best way to learn something

A HEAD FAKE.


A ‘head-fake,’ occurs when someone is taught a deeper lesson under the pretense of learning something simple — when a high school football player learns determination, teamwork, and perseverance while seeming to learn a proper three-point stance, for instance.


     That's how I intend to learn about medicine before college starts. I just don't have the attention, the focus needed to read through thousands of pages of boring medical journals, filled with words I can't even pronounce, let alone understand. 


     So, I'm reading through thousands of pages of twisted stories, one that makes sleep a distant memory for the horrors it potrays, but it also taught me that Hansen's disease is the formal name of leprosy, and that the reason why pancreatic cancer is the deadliest forms of cancer is because the symptoms are only noticeable at the latter stage, and treatment is near impossible because pancreas is at the junction of the major organs in the human body; namely the stomach, the liver and the lungs and that's why is so aggressive and metastasizes very fast.


     My head may be filled with worthless informations that my peers won't care about, but at least my head is filled with something. In this day of information technology, it seems people are getting dumber. Well, I'll do anything in my power for that not to happen to me. 


I'VE. NEVER. BEEN. SO. PROUD. OF. BEING. A. BOOKWORM.

Nunnism

     In an effort to appear more charitable and also to give the perception that I do indeed have a soul, I have signed up as a tuition teacher/ motivational speaker (?????!!!!!!!!!!!!) at SMK Datuk Paduka Mat Salleh, Ranau. RANAU!

...............................To this day, the length at which I'd go to get out of my comfort zone continues to baffle me. 

     You wanna know something more shocking? Imma stay with a bunch of nuns while I'm there. Gosh, nuns. In a convent. A nunnery. Gah! So, when I'm not teaching a bunch of a year-younger kids, I would..... PRAY? Hmmmmm, not exactly how I imagine I'd waste spend my holidays.

     And what do nuns do for fun anyway?

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

     On a more serious note, I have to admit that I'm scared shitless. I mean, here I am presented with the opportunity to give a talk that would hopefully be life-changing for these kids,and I don't know if I can deliver exactly that. What if I have nothing new to tell them? What if in their mind, what I say has no relevance to them at all? What if I make things worse for them by giving them false hope? What if I can't even give them hope? 

     Will I disappoint the teachers who's class will be taken over by me doing God knows what? Yes, I don't really have a clue about what I'm going to do with the kids.

  I DON'T FREAKING KNOW!

I'm reminded of my time teaching the small kids at SRK Pulau Tuba under PKTR. I don't know if I did a good job. But even then, I had the support of my Karipap team members to help teach the kids. But now, I'm doing it ALONE. No mum, no friends, no peers, no one. 

Except maybe the nuns. Pfffffffffft.

      After spending hours surfing the Net/ prepping worksheets/ watching videos/psyching myself up for the tuition-giving/speaking engagement at this Ranau school, I hereby declare that I have a new sense of respect towards the teaching job. It takes alot to be an awesome teacher. I KNOW NOW.

     Alas, wish me the best, the thingy majingy is two days from now. Hopefully I'll update with some good news :D