Oh my heart, my heart cannot tahan

     For 3 years, 3 years I have been listening to SuJu, but only recently have I fallen in lust none other than CHOI SI WON.




HIS FACE OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG SO EFFED UP HOT:

The ' Sex God body' :

ne

If you still don't believe in God kan, start believing now. How else can such a perfect specimen of a human man be created without God's touch? Such hawtness. 

When I go to South Korea someday, imma go meet Sex-God, i mean Siwon, and take a picture with him. That's it. Just a picture with some hot dude with a washboard abs you could spread whipped cream on. I'll never dream of doing anything more...... carnal to him.

Plus, you know….it’s not like there’s anything wrong with keeping a dozen bottles of whipped cream at the back of my closet. It’s completely normal.

No hidden agenda whatsoever. None.

kthxbai

Time is not wasted if you enjoy wasting it :)

     So true.

Today was fun, had lunch with Shannon before she goes back to KL and continue her A-level studies in, gasp! England! I'll miss you babe, remember what I told you, stay pure.

Before the lunch though, I manage to squeeze in some workouts though, shopping workouts! My aunt just opened a boutique in the lower ground floor of Karamunsing. Mind you, she has fabulous taste.

The boutique's signboard

My fave dress there :)

:This is what I finally bought:

Effed up pretty lar this dress.

It's the sleeves I tell you, it's the sleeves

Ok lar, boleh lar, just wear to go buy fish or something. =_='

What my mum bought.....

Old people, old fashion taste.

t

I know, it's too young for a menopausal woman right. Maybe I'll borrow it from her, hehe.

Actually, there are sooo many nice stuff to buy there and the price is quite affordable, so if you guys free kan, why not just drop by and buy something. Sure have yang you like wan.

However, if this holiday season has really made your pockets empty, here's another GLORIOUS way to waste time.

Go to looklet.com and just have a fun, VIRTUAL makeover. Best website ever! Basically, you pick the model, the background, clothes, shoes and accessories and have the freedom to style a look however you please.

  

Example:

Yes, you're welcome :)

I thought being free would feel great

I was wrong :(

Holiday's aren't fun if you have to do sooooo many effing important things at in a short span of time.

• Get my elusive driving license. 1 effin year man, I year has passed since I went to the ceramah and if everything had gone according to plan, I would be driving legally by April this year. Inilah, stupid effin competitions, stupid effing Interact duties, stupid effing exams. Akhirnya, postponed, postponed, postponed. Just 1 more step to go, the JPJ laluan test for me to get that license. Please lar God, make it happen by Friday, 19th Dec. If not kan, i'll be tempted to jump out of a building. It must happen by this month because.....

• I'll be gone by 1st January to KL. To Help University. Because my parents hate me and they want me out as soon as possible. Oh, and also because i received a scholarship :)

          

         At least I'm helping my parents to save 18 grand.But now, I only have less than three weeks left to prepare every thing for KL. This better be worth it, I'm going to HELP only because I know it's a great stepping stone to go to the University of Cambridge. I really hope this decision is the right one.
I guess godbye SMK St. Francis Convent, and hello HELP!

• Make a Facebook. I know this seems so easy to 99.9999% of the world population, but to me, it's easier said than done. I'm really technologically-inept. Nerd and Emeh have seen me try with Facebook, so they know. Hehe.
• Continue my guitar classes with extensive lessons. Die die also must be better than daddy.
• Try to find time to spend with family and friends. 
• Try to waste as much time as possible before going on full-on Nerd mode for A-levels.

• Try not to lose too many things, bad habit Mir. It's especially not cool if parents are not there to clean up your mess. Haiz....
• And finally, to just make the most of my time in this wonderful place. I'll miss Sabah, so much memories here.

Most of all, I'll miss YOU !!!!!! Will you miss me too?

Just admit it, we all know we can't stay like this forever right? But that doesn't mean we can't memorize it, if it's just to remind us of all the great times we had had together :)

Choices, i hate them.

I JUST WANT TO SAY...

     GET WELL SOON LANDY!!!!!!!!! COME ON BABE, YOU CAN PULL THROUGH THIS, IMMA PRAY FOR YOU EVERYTIME SO THAT YOU CAN BE HEALED, COMPLETELY..... REMEMBER OUR PROMISE TO GO ON THE "HUNT"? IT WILL HAPPEN, I HAVE EVERY FAITH IT WILL.

     I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GONNA READ THIS, BUT DON'T GIVE UP HOPE OK, WE CAN OVERCOME IT TOGETHER. JUST DON'T GIVE UP, NOT NOW, NOT EVER.

Cause I'm cool like that

     Never ever ask Sim about your Literature marks before your percubaan is over, just don't. Stupid, stupid, stupid of me! Why that, a B+?

     A 67? Or a 68? Apparently Sim couldn't remember my marks because it was THAT FREAKING LOW.
  
      OMG, I wanted to jump out of some window man, good Lord. What happen to "I'm going to get straight A's for my percubaan?"

     A JOKE, A FREAKING JOKE. Meanwhile, someone, somewhere out there is gloating at my failures, I know.

     I'm sorry mummy, I really am. You were awesome for not tearing my guts apart. I don't think I tell you I love you enough :)

     BTW, just came back from some interview for some camp and apparently I was chosen for the interview because I'm one of the top two students in my school.


     ..........................................BWAHAHAHAHA! I know right, how did that happen? I guess Convent must be that desperate to send someone that they HAD to send me.Someone who gets a B+ for freaking Lit.

     Oh freak, now I need to go cry.

     Yeah, cause I break down when my grades suck this bad. Just cause I'm cool like that. Not.





LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, AT LEAST I DON'T CRY IN FRONT OF YOU.
















UPDATE ON 8TH OCTOBER 2010: IT WAS A 67 :(

emotions

I wonder if they’ll ever find out that she is faking it and that she is not real.


I wonder if they’ll ever found out that she is just a little girl hurting in silence and trashing in her sleep. 


I wonder if they’ll ever find out that she despises the reflection in the mirror and the big smile that means nothing to anything. 


I wonder if they’ll ever find out that beneath it all are just delusions and endless conflicts. 


I wonder if they’ll ever find out what she really is. 


I wonder how they will punish the pretender that she has always and will always be.

When my pastor said a person is the strongest when they are at their weakest, I was a little blur at that statement.

    Then today I realize what it really is all about..

    Sorry for bombarding you guys at school with rants on how an adopted child is not worthy of beating me in SPM. I feel so bad now. What woke me up? When my mum came into my room and saw my desktop background, in fluorescent colours, this motto for SPM. "KICK ADOPTED CHILD'S ASS TO THE GROUND IN SPM SOOOO BAD SHE CAN NEVER GET BACK UP".


     Yes, I have stoop so low. Then mum started telling me about a lot of things that I have to be grateful for. And trust me, I'm ultra blessed. 




Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18


     Ngeh, I 'm resorting to quoting bible verses in my blog now. But it's true. My biggest problem is I am a person full of pride. That explains my inability to accept criticism, my type A attitude and me being mean-spirited in order to be the best. But being all that has not worked in my favour at all. Because to be the top, I have become someone I don't like at all. Was it worth it? No! Because at the end of the day, grades cannot define a person.




Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23


     For the longest time, I've been working so hard to gain approval. Approval from my parents, from my teachers, distant relatives, peers, strangers etc... But it was never about whether if this is really what God wants for me. 




What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? Luke 9:25


     All I can say is I'm sick and tired of receiving superficial accolades, because it means nothing when I feel all empty inside. I want to feel again what I felt the time I was at church camp 2 years ago. I felt a joy that was indescribable because that was when I received God for the first time.
      


Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8


     And I will try my very best to stop mocking and having preconceived judgement towards others. I'll do my best to show others the same love that I received from God.




I will never fail you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
     
     I'm claiming that promise today. Whatever that happens today, I'll bear through it and I will not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. In everything, I'm letting go and letting God.
 


Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8

OH, WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY....

     To wake up and realize that today is the Biology exam and the upcoming four days will be a rush of Chemistry, more Biology Add Maths, Physics and Literature. Great.

     Scared? Of course not! Having my heart beat right out of my chest and those pesky butterflies in my stomach everytime before I sit for a paper is not me being scared. Of course not!

     How hard can it be? Surely, our Ministry of Education will consider our 'ULU' students right? I mean Kinabatangan and Sook and Nabawan and Pitas, all this places, surely their standards are in the so-called graph, right?

     So, it's going to be okay. The ministry have clearly showed their concern towards us Sabahans and it has be proven from the Physics exam we just had which surely is an indicator on how EASY this whole week is going to be.

     Therefore, I will like to say thank you the whoever is coming up with the exam questions for this year. Thank you for making life easy and unstressful and thank you for giving us school students a reason to not wear our unit beruniform's uniform. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU BITCH.

Attention whore!

     STOP SPAMMING MY EFFKING C-BOX YOU, YOU GODDAMN SON OF A... You know what, I'm not even going to degrade female dogs by relating you to them. God must have a sense of humour when he created you losers.... Idiots, get a life! If you don't know how or where to get it, for heaven's sake, google it! God, such low lives...

      Meanwhile, my life's going nowhere. This is what you get when you aim super high, to the point of being, dare I say it? UNREALISTIC. Nerd, I know you're just saying I can cause I'm your friend bah kan?! This is effed up, I can't wait for 9th of December, FREEDOM!!!!

     Why must life be so hard? Sometimes right, I wish my life is a musical. I wish I could just start singing for no reason whatsoever and then random strangers would just bust out in synchronized dance moves all around me.

     And last week, good Lord, was the Day Of Stupidity.

Mirabel here was stalked.

By a bunch of stupid fucks.(i know it's swearing, i'll ask for forgiveness later)

It started out like this. I went out to buy books for, well, studying. Like hell I'm going to succumb to being a mediocre student. Anyway, I digress.

      So,  I went to Eatons, and as I was entering the store, there was a group of four guys, in their twenties hanging about near the store but I couldn't really give a damn.

I am after all a woman on a mission.

I think I spent over an hour in the store looking over the books to

a) increase my brain level

b) with really good answer schemes (so I can, you know, 'refer')

c) within the budget or my dad will turn homicidal.



     Finally, I settled on a few books from obscure but awesome publishers cause, I just don't like the idea of having the same books as other people. I have standards. And best part is, its only within the budget because there were discounts. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm gonna read and do the exercises and feel...smarter.


      So after keeping the shop assistants busy for over an hour and damn happy with my selection I decided to do some window fiction books shopping.  Its when I was browsing some fantasy books that I noticed that there were two of the guys in the near me. There was nothing peculiar over two guys browsing for books. What's peculiar was that they were in front of the section where they were selling historical romance novels. And when I was looking, they both were sooooo into searching for a book.


Okay, two gay dudes who probably enjoy reading historical romance to each other and anal sex.


Yeah, okay. I'm down with that.


Then I left and check out jewelery boxes in Daiso and the two guys are still there. This time looking at vases. Glass vases with intricate flowery designs.


Okay, so on top of reading historical romance to each other and anal sex, they probably also playing house together.



Yeah, okay. I'm down with that.



Then it all finally clicks when the I was in Watson's looking at sanitary pads and guess who were looking at pads too? Uh huh....yeah. Doesn't seem so gay now and I feel stupid as fuck (Yes, I'll ask for forgiveness for that too). Then one of the guys smiled at me and asked what my name is. That's right huney, make your move by the sanitary pads. In a drugstore.


Classy.



      I smiled to be polite and then walked away. They followed me around and then tried to made contact by sanitary pads. Like hello? I don't come near at all to being as hot as Scarlett Johansson or ever been the pretties girl in the room but I do need someone with a minute level of brain functionality. Clearly they don't have this. Plus, they were pilaks. I won't go near a pilak even with a 40 feet pole.


So that concluded my day in stupidity. Wasn't the first time I was stalked by pilaks though. Pilaks like to stalk women apparently. God...when is there going to be a law that legalize people to shoot pilaks on sight? Oh wait was that too harsh?














Its supposed to be.



:p

HIATUS

     I JUST CAN'T DO IT RIGHT NOW.......... BLOGGING IS NOT A PRIORITY AT THIS STAGE :(

Just because

Mum Me

You wanna have another adik kah?
For the last time, NO!!!!
Oh, but I think my period is late
It's called menopause
*laughs maniacally* So bad oh u kan *continues laughing*


-__-"

You know what would look good on you? Me

    Happy 50th post to me! Remember all the times when all we had were pick up lines?

I'm in the midst of doing my Add Maths project right now, not cause I'm rajin, but because I'll be very busy this WHOLE holiday. Then I realized just how stupid it is, this whole project I mean. Look at this question!

REFLECTION
While you were conducting the project, what have you learnt? What moral values did you practise? Represent your opinions or feelings creatively through usage of symbols, illustrations, drawings or even in a song.

WTF?!

     BTW, I just want to clear something up. Me finishing the majority of the exam papers WAAAAY earlier than everyone and then sending them as soon as I finished was not me trying to rub into other people's faces that I'm so smart and all.

     Because I'm not, okay. Look at me, and tell me what do you see. A normal, nothing special person kan. I'm not WAA, period. I'm just soooo thoroughly unprepared for that examination that I couldn't handle having a piece of paper which I can't answer on my table for hours at end. Frankly, the lack of studying  is now coming back to bit me in the tush.

Look at this abomination.
M3= 86%
+M3=77%
ENG LIT= 60%

When I saw my results, my heart literally fell to the ground. It's like the pit of my stomach became hollower. You know, how losers should feel on a daily basis. After I get all the results, I'll post it, my very own wall of shame.

BTW, all my science papers? They can go to hell. I'm so disappointed at myself, I need to find a way to get me out of this not-studying rut.


P/S: Whateves, Singapore is tomorow!

YOU MIGHT HAVE TO LOSE CONTROL BEFORE YOU COULD FIND WHAT YOU'D BEEN MISSING

      The education system of Singapore is really designed to mess with Malaysians' mind. Imma tell this once and after this, my lips are sealed about this.

     Day 1 of Hell

     Went to Sunway Pyramid Convention Centre for the M3 and English test. saw the board and gasp when I found out 373 people are sitting for the test in KL alone. Sat for M3 test 1st, and basically spent the next two hours staring at the paper. Handed in the paper, practically blank, cause to tell u the truth, their M3 is WAAAY harder than our +M3. Yes, +M3.

     Then sat for the English paper. 1st paper was basically asking you to give definitions and explain the definitions for a few words and terms which even the most civilised and urbanised Malaysians would never hear about. After that, had to make a summary based on a passage, which was very nice to read btw. But still, it was hard.

     Then came the 2nd English paper. 30 minutes given to write a 350 words essay which can hopefully knock the invigilators out of their socks. 2 topics were given and I chose to write about my views regarding what students learn when they get involved in social or voluntary work.

     Mine was so sappy I practically cringe the whole way. BTW, I ended my essay with this quote. "Who can put a law unto love? Love is unto itself the highest law". Don't ask me how it is relevant to the essay, my guess is as good as yours


     Day 2 of Hell

Hence came the General Ability paper, which is basically an IQ test. They gave 20 minutes for us to finish 48 questions! BUDU! It was all about shapes and colours and after I finished the paper with three minutes to spare, I just lay my head down cause I was beginning to get drowsy. The guy sitting next to me? He couldn't finish about 8 questions. HAHAHAHAHA, LOSER. Woooi, haven't you heard of the phrase, "tembak saja lar?!" Such nerds.

Let me break down the population okay. Among the 900++ people who came for the test (including Sec 1, Seec 3 and Pre-U), around 90% were Chinese, 7% Indians, 2.9% Malays and 0.1% Kadazan (Me!!) . Even then, the Malays are mostly from Brunei. Only 1 or 2 were actually from KL itself. And I was the only Sabahan there. I guess it's because Singapore practices meritocracy, and not, you know, rascism.So the non-Bumis and non-Malays have as much chance as the next person.

So, no matter how you look at it, Singapore trumps Malaysia, every single time.There's practically zero corruptions, their efficiency is just amazing, and everyone can be assured of equal opportunities, regardless of their race.I know what I said about Singapore before, about how it is not worth it because of all the W.A.A they have. Still, it is the perfect stepping stone to better opportunities, opportunities I know Malaysia won't have for me.

P/S= Please, please, please, let me get the interview because I know that's where I can truly convince them of my worth. Please God, pretty please?

I'm sorry I made such a drama of this whole thing, tears and all.

Thank you

Thank you for being there;
 For showing me the path;
Thank you for always caring and giving it all you have;
Thank you for not running when I needed your help,
 and thank you for always staying by my side,
and giving me the courage and the pride to do things I've never done before;
Thank you for always being there for all of the sad times and the thrills;
Thank you for always telling me what’s wrong and what's right,
and thank you for helping me on the path to life
But most of all, thank you for telling me that I can,
 and still reassuring me that you'll be there in the event that I can't
THANK YOU.
__________________________________________________
Today's the day, and I'm scared. But I'm ready, and I'm gonna show that I'm capable of this. Whatever the results may be, so be it. I've done my best, so no regrets. I need a hug