I wonder if they’ll ever find out that she is faking it and that she is not real.
I wonder if they’ll ever found out that she is just a little girl hurting in silence and trashing in her sleep.
I wonder if they’ll ever find out that she despises the reflection in the mirror and the big smile that means nothing to anything.
I wonder if they’ll ever find out that beneath it all are just delusions and endless conflicts.
I wonder if they’ll ever find out what she really is.
I wonder how they will punish the pretender that she has always and will always be.
Saturday 18 September 2010
Tuesday 7 September 2010
When my pastor said a person is the strongest when they are at their weakest, I was a little blur at that statement.
Then today I realize what it really is all about..
Sorry for bombarding you guys at school with rants on how an adopted child is not worthy of beating me in SPM. I feel so bad now. What woke me up? When my mum came into my room and saw my desktop background, in fluorescent colours, this motto for SPM. "KICK ADOPTED CHILD'S ASS TO THE GROUND IN SPM SOOOO BAD SHE CAN NEVER GET BACK UP".
Yes, I have stoop so low. Then mum started telling me about a lot of things that I have to be grateful for. And trust me, I'm ultra blessed.
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18
Ngeh, I 'm resorting to quoting bible verses in my blog now. But it's true. My biggest problem is I am a person full of pride. That explains my inability to accept criticism, my type A attitude and me being mean-spirited in order to be the best. But being all that has not worked in my favour at all. Because to be the top, I have become someone I don't like at all. Was it worth it? No! Because at the end of the day, grades cannot define a person.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23
For the longest time, I've been working so hard to gain approval. Approval from my parents, from my teachers, distant relatives, peers, strangers etc... But it was never about whether if this is really what God wants for me.
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? Luke 9:25
All I can say is I'm sick and tired of receiving superficial accolades, because it means nothing when I feel all empty inside. I want to feel again what I felt the time I was at church camp 2 years ago. I felt a joy that was indescribable because that was when I received God for the first time.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
And I will try my very best to stop mocking and having preconceived judgement towards others. I'll do my best to show others the same love that I received from God.
I will never fail you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
I'm claiming that promise today. Whatever that happens today, I'll bear through it and I will not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. In everything, I'm letting go and letting God.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8
Sorry for bombarding you guys at school with rants on how an adopted child is not worthy of beating me in SPM. I feel so bad now. What woke me up? When my mum came into my room and saw my desktop background, in fluorescent colours, this motto for SPM. "KICK ADOPTED CHILD'S ASS TO THE GROUND IN SPM SOOOO BAD SHE CAN NEVER GET BACK UP".
Yes, I have stoop so low. Then mum started telling me about a lot of things that I have to be grateful for. And trust me, I'm ultra blessed.
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18
Ngeh, I 'm resorting to quoting bible verses in my blog now. But it's true. My biggest problem is I am a person full of pride. That explains my inability to accept criticism, my type A attitude and me being mean-spirited in order to be the best. But being all that has not worked in my favour at all. Because to be the top, I have become someone I don't like at all. Was it worth it? No! Because at the end of the day, grades cannot define a person.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23
For the longest time, I've been working so hard to gain approval. Approval from my parents, from my teachers, distant relatives, peers, strangers etc... But it was never about whether if this is really what God wants for me.
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? Luke 9:25
All I can say is I'm sick and tired of receiving superficial accolades, because it means nothing when I feel all empty inside. I want to feel again what I felt the time I was at church camp 2 years ago. I felt a joy that was indescribable because that was when I received God for the first time.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
And I will try my very best to stop mocking and having preconceived judgement towards others. I'll do my best to show others the same love that I received from God.
I will never fail you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
I'm claiming that promise today. Whatever that happens today, I'll bear through it and I will not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. In everything, I'm letting go and letting God.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8
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